Adopted into a Wealthy Family - Jamie Polanco

Vincent‍

Welcome back to another episode of the Family Wealth Edge. Today we have a special guest and dear friend and colleague, Jamie Polanco. Jamie, how are you?

Jamie Polanco

Well, how are you guys?

Vincent

‍ ood. Thank you for finding the time to speak with Kristin and I about all things family wealth. You have a unique story that we'll dive into today. Now let my dear friend and colleague, Kristin Mahoney, take us off on this call.

Kristen Heaney

Welcome, Jamie. We're so glad to have you with us. Thank you for being willing to come share your story here. I know that it's a big deal to share just to the public what you've been through, but I think that you're wired, like Vincent and I are wired to say, if my story and the things that I've been through can be helpful to other people, then bring it on. So thank you for being like that. So gosh, where to begin? Maybe tell everyone how you and I met each other.

Vincent

‍ Mmm.

Jamie Polanco

Absolutely.

Jamie Polanco

okay.

Vincent

It's a starting point, yeah.

Kristen Heaney

Thank

Jamie Polanco

So we met through the cohorts. About two years ago, I joined a cohort not really understanding what it was about, but being advised that it was probably a really good thing that I do join. And turns out it was a great thing. Yeah, that's how we met.

Vincent

Mm.

Kristen Heaney

‍ Yeah, that's awesome. And for anyone who's like, what on earth is a cohort? Can you just share a little bit about what the experience was like for you being a

Vincent

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

Sure. It's coming together of peers, people who are in your same shoes at different stages. Not everybody's at the same stage, but everybody can relate to each other. And I'm trying to think. It's also really helped with my ability to be able to speak more freely with my advisors.

Vincent

Okay.

Jamie Polanco

It gave me that voice of confidence. I think the biggest thing though really was, like I want to go back to advisors, because I don't know that I even knew them. And maybe I hear their names, I know who they are, like, that's that person, but I didn't know them, know them. And now, you know, I always say like, now I can't imagine one day my daughter getting married and not inviting them. Like that's the type

Vincent

Great point. Wow.

Kristen Heaney

Mm.

Jamie Polanco

‍ relationship we've created and that really came after the cohorts and that I can talk to them just normal and ask questions and it doesn't have to be so formal all the time and before I didn't have that confidence you know I thought they were up here and they know everything and you know they'll tell me and now it's just it's more of a conversation than I have with them.

Kristen Heaney

‍ Was that the first time you had done anything related to family wealth, a group like that? Okay.

Jamie Polanco

Yes, it was the first time, you know, because I think I'm a G4. The G3s just hadn't really gone that next step of like ready for transparency, ready to start the education process. And I'm so grateful that the G3s did decide that it's really made a huge difference for us. And I feel like as G4s, what it's really done is helped us better prepare our own children. So I'm super grateful that they did that. Yeah.

Kristen Heaney

That's great.

Vincent

Jamie, was going to say, I was going to ask if you can think back to that time two years ago ish when you what were you what were you what besides the idea of being or meeting, you know, peers that were going through similar stuff whatmade you or helped you make that decision to actually join the cohort because we hear different reasons why just curious for you like what was that I'm going to do it what was what was coming up for you two years ago.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah. Mm-hmm. You know, complete honesty here is... So a little bit of a backstory is I'm adopted. And I dealt with a lot of imposter syndrome. I don't belong here. People are gonna figure me out. People are gonna not think that I should be involved in things. I think making that decision to go through the cohorts was, will this help me?

Jamie Polanco

will I maybe understand what I'm really a part of better? And that's kind of what pushed that. Now, of course, the advisor brought it to me, not saying any of that, but it really did. Like it really did. I don't want to say obligated, that's not the word, but there is a sense sometimes of like, what can I do more? How can I help? And then what it ended up doing was like flipping everything for me.

Vincent

‍ I'm going you know how it works.

Jamie Polanco

didn't realize how it would impact me. I really went into it more of like, how can I help the family? How can this, you know, be, how can I be a part of that better, a better version of me to show up for the family? And yeah.

Vincent

‍Okay.

Jamie Polanco

So it did, it changed it that way.

Kristen Heaney

And I remember Jamie, when you revealed the part of your story during with the rest of the cohort during the cohort. I remember being so surprised by that because you didn't share it like the kickoff weekend. Like it took you several months. It was even at the end of the cohort that you really shared that. And it, I guess I had never really, I don't think I've ever had anyone that I've coached before, a rising Jen who has been adopted. And it had never occurred to me how.that experience can really add layers of complexity to the imposter's that a standard inheritor feels. So if you'd be willing to dive more into that, I know it's probably a sensitive topic for you, but up to you.

Vincent

‍ Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

No, I don't mind at all. You know, I just feltI was adopted later in life. And I think that's also another layer of that is I think a lot of times people think then you were adopted at three. I was adopted after the age of 18, which adds a huge layer in especially with families of success because what comes along with that is the funds.

Vincent

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

And that can be super tricky for some people thinking that, you know, is there an alternative motive? I'm not sure that, well, I know I didn't understand any of that language. I knew that I loved this family and I just wanted to be a part of it. the money actually never came into my head. That was never really, even though I was older, you know, I understood what a dollar was. I also didn't even understand the amount of money that was there because where I came from,

Vincent

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco I don't think my mind could comprehend that anyway. Like, you know, I just knew people could pay bills on time. That adds a layer of complex to it and admitting that all of that, because I have that fear of what will people think when they hear that, when they hear I was adopted and they hear I was adopted after 18. That so sharing that is sometimes really hard because of all those layers that come along with

Vincent

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

a family of financial success. So I did deal a lot with that. think though once again, going through the cohorts and like finding my voice and owning it, I realized that it's my story and I know the truth and that it's okay to share. And once I share that, it takes away the shame and it takes away the fear.

Vincent

Unless you're, unless you're Magneto, but I don't know if you're Magneto. Or that's Dr. X.

Jamie Polanco

‍ I can't control what other people think of me even to this day, right? I can't do that. But yeah, but...So, yeah, that's where I think that's, that's, all the, there's lots of little layers in that, in that adoption process. I was blessed to have this family embrace me the way they did. I think that I will never forget like watching them all sign documents that they wanted to take me.

Kristen Heaney

you

Kristen Heaney

Bye.

Jamie Polanco

No one even hesitated. It wasn't even like a, I didn't see anyone, and I didn't know what they were doing over there, but I didn't see anyone like stop and be like, I'm not, no. I think one cousin's comment was, I thought she was already adopted. I'm blessed on so many levels that these people know my heart, I know their heart. And I did join the cohort because I,

Vincent

yeah. Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

Again, like have that in me that I want to give back and help. And I do, I will do anything with this family and for this family, but it also helped me in my journey and it helped me understand my place. And if that can help anybody, if I can share my story and somebody can be like, my gosh, that's me too, even though maybe I wasn't adopted or maybe I was a married in.even like G1 sometimes it goes in their head because you've lived on both sides of wealth and so there's a little you know a little complexity. I'm a G4 that I probably function like a G1 and I'm raising G5.

Vincent

Yeah. Yeah. We want to explore more of that. Jamie, just thank you. mean, you'reKristen and I talk about this a lot, right? Like the power of stories and your unique story and sharing that with others is one of the key ingredients to helping people be better. And we, know, one of the things that we've shared many times on these podcasts and whoever we work with is how different Kristen and I's upbringing was where she was in a lack of transparency. I knew too much too soon. I was very much the entitled spoiled kid. Kristen was on a different path. And then we hear your story and, and which isprobably the most unique. And I've met others similar to your situation, but it's like you are the definition of a blended, unique experience. If you're open and willing, are you able to share more so like after 18, you get adopted, right? Obviously you spent some time with this family prior, your family prior. What was your twenties like just starting to open up your mind and you're like to this new reality that you're faced with?And then it's amazing what you've decided to do with your career now to give back to this community. Sorry, Jamie.

Jamie Polanco

No, no, no, I thought you were almost done and I interrupted, you, me. So, how do I say this? It was...Yeah. So I was a part of this family and they got to know me in my 20s and my 30s. That's the best way to say that is they knew me 16, 17, 18, 19, we'll say that, as a person that just kind of was there sometimes and then wasn't.

Vincent

Thank you.

Jamie Polanco

Because I didn't go to every single event or every single family group and I wasn't a family member nor should I have been. And then I just kept showing up and also I didn't have the other family support, the mom and dad, the birth parents. So it just lent itself for me just to come more and more. And that's when I think my cousins probably got to know me is

Vincent

Hmm.

Jamie Polanco

My 20s, in my 30s, they got to know me. And then you fast forward to one of my cousins put my son in his wedding and to my 40s. And so I think that time was the time we really got to know each other because I really wasn't a part of the family. then we did the adoption at the end of my, so I was adopted.

Vincent

Yeah.

Kristen Heaney

Hmm.

Jamie Polanco

By all 10 superfaces, except I wasn't legally. And we at the time had some family advisors that just didn't take that issue maybe as serious as they should have. And when we transitioned, it got taken into a priority and it was a legal document then. Like we went to court and signed papers and it became a legal document.And then after that legal document, that's when they started to say, well, how do we distribute funds evenly and distribute wealth evenly and in a fair way? And my grandfather worked really hard to make sure that was done and to make sure that I felt like I was a part of it as well. that that so I feel like the 20s and 30s was really a time for.

Vincent There. Yeah.

Jamie Polanco to get to know me and the whole family, not just my mom and my siblings. It was all of everybody. Yeah, and then getting to know my kids in that timeframe. And at that time, we were not, nobody was really, it was more of a G3. We had transparency and G3 had access, but not a G4.no G4. And you have to understand too, I'm the oldest at this point. There's G4s that are eight years old. you know, or just being born. There really wasn't, I didn't go through that. Like, I didn't have the access that I do now. And so it was, it was a little different raising kids and doing that. But my mom always made sure that I had funds.

Vincent

Hmm.

Vincent

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

But that was just different. It would just look different than it does today, which is all more through the office. And this is what it is. And, you know, it's very different today. I can say that. Yeah.

Kristen Heaney

When you look back on that frame of time, Jamie, I wonder if you would have certain advice that you would give to yourself to kind of open your heart to the opportunity that you had in front of you. What advice would you give?

Vincent

Yes.

Jamie Polanco

Wow. I think I would look back. You know, I would look back on me and my mom and say that both of us knew in our hearts that we wanted this adoption legally. And I wish that both of us had had more confidence and more voice to demand that. Because I think then those legal documents would have been signed a lot sooner.

Vincent

All right.

Kristen Heaney

Mm.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah, but that's not the story we had, but I guarantee if she and I both, you know, because she's the female of the G3s, I think if she and I both had that, that it would have probably happened a lot sooner. But here's something to remember about both of us is that it happened for us in our hearts a lot sooner than it happened on paper.

Vincent

Yeah. What a message, Jamie.

Kristen Heaney

Is it? Yeah.

Vincent

Sharing your voice, having the confidence and courage. think it's so important. Like what you just said there, like we knew in our hearts and we see this, we see this with the families and, and, and, and cohort members that we've worked with over the years. It's one thing to have under competence. Like I understand what's going on and I know where I want to go or I know where I don't want to go even more importantly, but having the lack of courage and confidence to use your voice.I think that's why when Kristen and I were talking about this episode, it's like we gotta have Jamie. It's so, what you bring to this space is so important. And for whatever, know, the world works in mysterious ways and somehow now you find yourself giving back, not only to your own family, but you me share the example, you're the oldest G4. So by definition, you're the champion of G4, right? And almost whoop.

Jamie Polanco

And I'll do anything for them, yeah.

Vincent

‍Well, and again, I think it's, then as a mom and as a sibling and as a cousin and now as a coach, sharing with people that finding your voice and actually having the confidence to speak up for what it is that you want and don't want is the key to life. I mean, it can't be understated. Share with us more. So your career, right? So this winter, same wonderful thing happened to you in your late teens.I'm smiling because when I was 19, we were in a very different place. You know, like we all do, our 20s are so vital just to development, figuring out who we are, where do we want to, where are we going to live? What are we going to do for work? And now you find yourself in this space of giving back to family enterprise, successful families. Can you just share how that journey ensued or changed, developed?

Jamie Polanco Yeah, I think that happened with Kristen with the cohorts and you know, I saw what she, the work she was doing and I think I was, for the first time it opened my eyes to think, wow, this is industry and people do help people and this is amazing. And I called Kristen and said, so I wanna be you when I grow up.

Vincent

Me too. Me too.

Kristen Heaney

Yes.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah. She was like, no. What did you say, Kristen?

Kristen Heaney

I said, I want you to be you when you grow up, actually. The best version of you, my friend.

Vincent

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah, right, right, yeah. And so she really helped guide me through, then let's do that and here's space for you and here's what I would do if I were you. And took me into the life coaching, you know, getting that certified with the Institute of Life Coaching.and going to conferences and learning as much because as family members, we all have a family, we all have a story. And yes, that story can help people, but also how can you, if you're gonna work it as an advisor, let's bring a little bit of education into that story as well. And so instead of just being able to share your own personal experience, so yeah.

Vincent

Yeah. Yeah.

Vincent

Yes, yeah. It's the personal and professional that's needed in the industry for sure.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah, yeah, it really is.

Kristen Heaney

And then if you could also talk, Jamie, about how your development has impacted the ways that you're showing up in your own family differently, because I do think it's cool to see how in the past, one of the themes that was key to your early part of your journey was this needing to find your own voice and step into what was needed. But then you're doing that in different ways now with your family. So can you talk about that

Jamie Polanco

Mm-hmm.

Jamie Polanco

‍ Yeah, yeah. So I think with my own kids, the course, it looked very different. Their upbringing looked very different than mine. And so I have, after doing this cohort though, you know, I had all, don't, I didn't want my kids to ever be ignorant or arrogant. You know, that was a huge thing for me. And my kids went to private schools and that was afforded for them. And so,

Vincent

Okay.

Jamie Polanco

I always had this worry, what I learned through the cohorts again was having a story and owning your story. And so then I started to understand like, have to empower my children with the right vocabulary to use to navigate the world they live in, which looks extremely different than mine. one of those ways is they want to bring somebody to Texas and they want to bring them out to our lake house. And this is the perfect opportunity for my kids to start using their verbiage and telling their own story. And in order to do that, in order to bring friends out, we fly down, they have to tell their friends what they're walking into. And that is in the 70s, 1979, here I was born. In the 70s, my grandfather bought a lake and then the land around it. And he had grown up.

Vincent

Okay.

Jamie Polanco

You know, being able to utilize this lake and it meant so much to him. And when he was a little guy, he said, one day I'm going to buy this lake, mom. And he did. And so, you know, there's only our homes on it. And so in order to bring friends out, they have to tell the story beforehand, because otherwise you look ignorant, like, I thought everybody had this or you look arrogant. And one of the ways they do that is you I have them go back and tell the story of the G1.

Vincent

Hmm.

Jamie Polanco

Of the wealth creator and what it took to get here today. And so that gives them a story of hardship and work and it didn't just happen overnight. And it allows them to tell that story without being like, my family just has a lot of money and how that sounds and it doesn't land right and it doesn't feel right when you say that. And so that's like the first step for them. I have to tell my friends.

Vincent

Thank you.

Jamie Polanco And then my daughter goes off to college and we navigated how to not have to feel like you need to pay for everything. If you, yes, you have Uber app and I pay that and that's a great luxury for you. And we had to navigate like, I pay for your Uber. And so if there's an Uber XL, your friends have to pitch in and pay that extra $8. I only have you that I'm paying for.

‍

Jamie Polanco It's like little things like that. And when they were younger, I did this thing where I told them, if you got a million dollars, what are five things you would buy? And it was more of a handwriting activity. They had to write it in cursive, the five things they would buy. But also, what are the five things you would donate to in your community to make it better? And so it kind of gets them thinking in that way of like how money can be used and doesn't just and doesn't need to be used in one way.

Vincent Yeah, I love I love that story that you you make your daughter share with their friends I think it's so important that we understand like the beginning of all of this and the sacrifice that the previous generations made so that we can have the benefits and the burdens that come with being part of Successful families. I adore that and I think that's you know, I remember similarly

Jamie Polanco

yeah.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah.

Kristen Heaney

Yeah.

Vincent

Last year we went back to Italy. took my boys to my dad's, my dad passed two years ago and I was going to make a joke when he said about the Uber Eats. My dad would get the visa statement, you know, because I'm, 46 as well, Jamie. And he would go through the visa and he'd go, I don't mind buying you a beer, but do have to buy the whole bar a beer? I would go, well dad, know, like, Hey, right. But we we went back to his little village and my father was an orphan as well. Right. So there's our kindred. So then you go back to where.

Jamie Polanco

Yah! Yah!

Vincent

No, no, their grandfather was born and it was bombed out during the war and all that stuff and my kids are eight and four so a bit younger than yours a bit younger than Kristen's but you can see especially my oldest one you could see it registering that it was different before right and and then like even the 10-hour flight over you know I said to him and if you think my mom's parents came over on a boat in 1951 you know being on the ocean for three weeks or whatever the time was to come across

You can see the little ones starting to appreciate more and it does have an impact on how they treat stuff. And you said it, right? Like the way we grew up is different than how our kids grew up. It's different, definitely different how our parents grew up. And it's that, do they appreciate the value of a dollar? As Kristen says, when you can say yes to everything, when and how do you thoughtfully say no. So I love that story. And hopefully I just, yeah, I would love to.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah.

Vincent

Offline I want to hear how those how those stories land on some of their friends

Jamie Polanco

Yeah, all different reactions, but yeah.

Kristen Heaney

Yes.

Vincent

Yeah, it's, I think you know what it is. It's funny too, right? I know like with this, like with wealth ism, I know we talk about this in the cohort, right? There's this, there's this stereotype of being part of wealthy families and, and some of them are true. And, and we're just people, right? Like we're, we're all human. We're all trying to figure out this thing called life. And we're all trying to play the card that were dealt to us. And your deck is so unique, Jamie.

Jamie Polanco

Yeah

Kristen Heaney

Mm.

Vincent

I just want to reinforce that again. It really is an honor and a privilege to hear your story, listen to your story. And then I'm going to set you up to take us home. One or two words of wisdom or advice you can share for your kids or for future cohort participants. What would it be?

Jamie Polanco

I mean, when you think you can't, you can. It's just that simple. And you know, I've been through a journey and yes, I said I'd love to go back and make it all different, but your journey is your journey. Embrace it and own it.

Vincent

Hmm.

Jamie Polanco

And yeah, we all have could have, should have, would have, put it to a side. It got you where you are today. And yeah, but definitely just even if you think you can't, you can. I mean, I wish I could go back and shake little Jamie and be like, you can do this. Just keep going. Yeah.

‍

Vincent Thank you, Jamie.

Kristen Heaney

‍ This is our first guest that almost made me cry on the podcast. That was really beautiful, Jamie. Your story is really beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Vincent

Yeah, so if you can't, you can. That's Jamie Polanco. Thank you so much, Jamie.

Jamie Polanco

You can. Thank you both for having me. Appreciate it.

Kristen Heaney

Take care.

Jamie Polanco

Thanks, bye.

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